this isn't a love poem

I tear, tear, tear myself apart
because you never follow through,
when you think it goes away
I bring it back anew.

If you hate, hate, hate me,
oh so much
why won't you do it for me?
instead I hate me for you
I killed me three times over
kill me, kill me, do

Every minute daring
you to like me,
begging, begging, begging
for you to love me,
I killed me, three, three, three

you ask me why,
why?
why?
why?
I would want to die,
you should know,
you want it too

I see and I do,
I hate me for you.
I'm only following through,
what you'd never say.

I cry for you,
all I do is for you,
although I never think of you,
you broke me down the middle,
broke me right in two

without ever having to come near me

Because I did it for you,
I'm following through what you want,
want but never say
for what you want is taboo
so I hate me for you

so now you broke the doll
so no one else wants to play
if they did I'd push them away
because I know they'll hate me like you

and I couldn't stand all their eyes on me.
They turned me blind; I couldn't see

but I could feel your eyes on me
how did it come to be
that you never loved me?
you never say it,
but I know it
so I hate me for you

I swear I'll stop soon

I almost believed you
with your play pretend words
your "depend on me"
your gobeldeegoo
and your six foot three

your play pretend words
I need you
a lie? to who?
to me; to you
we all thought it was true
but you said it
you
you
you

you need me
stop just stop
your gobeldeegee
stop just stop
don't lie to me

It's over it's over
I'm through
I know I thought it
I felt it
but who said it?
you
you
you

I need to freaking relax

This is what the world is telling me or more specifically what a great number of people in my life are telling me. What does that word really mean? Relax. Would they like me to dance with the wind and the birdies in a kaftan of some kind of like a paler, meaner pocahontas? It seems to me the only reason I would need to calm down is if someone or another has done something to work me into a state of mind other than relaxation and I'm not sure if thats my fault. So let me strike a deal with you, people who tell me to relax, you can deserve me being happy and breezy person I am when I'm not with you when you stop being so damn annoying and it is humanly possible for me to relax.


wow this makes me come off rather uptight doesn't it.....

Loving old men and why it sucks

For they are handsome and well spoken and I can never have them.

Lamest Poem I Have Ever Written

A big vacant body,
an empty, tearful stare,
for sale on the corner ,
she comes tressed up or bare.

lets look at her price tag,
it seems she comes for free,
all you really need?
pretend that you like me.

She knows they may be lying,
but still she takes the chance,
maybe they like her,
not whats in her pants.

For sale on the corner,
with her empty tearful stare,
she'll still keep taking chances,
if they still pretend to care.

I always knew it was you

I always knew it was you,

the spring it was light so long
we thought night was a lie
but the sun it set eventually
amber pooled the sky

winter fell away; we didn't know the cost
flowers reached the sky
my innocence was lost
the spring night was a lie

I never saw it coming
though I always knew
mum said I was slumming
I think I thought so too

In the lying dark you whispered words
what was it you said?
I always knew it was you
In the night that wasn't true

I said you weren't the one
even though I knew it true
that in the spring that was a lie
It was always you

Poetry's for idiots

Ashamed of myself
I couldn't tell you why
why be optimistic?
I can not tell a lie

you are young
you don't count yet
these feelings can't be real
your not grown yet,
trust me girl
this is how you feel

This is not the life I want
why don't I get a choice?
I call to you for help
but I guess I've lost my voice

I want outside to match
you'd asked about the bruises
you always look so hurt
but I'm the one who loses

I'm done
I'm dead
I'm got
I'm shot

but you still won't let me go
congratulations!
what a show,

it seems they've killed me, mother

Crushed Wings

I knew a girl
she was just a girl
but she grew into a woman
from youth she spread her wings to fly
but freedom's a joke; freedom's a lie
as she changed she'd try and try
to become a butterfly
but a puppeteer controlled her strings
and he would not pull up her wings

just like trying to put a baby back into the womb
he tried to put the butterfly back in her cocoon
she fought and lost then fought again
against this mans opression
but then our poor woman girl just slipped into depression

I knew a woman
a beautiful woman
but she faded into nothing
a woman who gave up wanting to fly
she knew she'd never reach the sky
he wouldn't let it happen so why should she try?
to become a butterfly

he'd done so many terrible things
but worst of all?
he crushed her wings

Why do you use such gentle words?

Why do you use such gentle words?
Oh my love; my sweet
rooms so dark; hushed silence of the night
You made me smile with words so light
But when all is done and packed away
Your gentle words hurt me

Why use words so gentle?
They don't soften the blow
the cracks go deeper than before
Destroying you; rotting your core
Your gentle words hurt me

Where's the allure in gentle words?
You think they make you the better man?
Caress my heart with your kind pretence
you play make believe, at whose expense?
Your gentle words hurt me

Why do you use such gentle words?
You're the enemy; my sweet
When all is done and packed away
Your gentle words hurt me

Blank Face.

So how do I put this to you, the good people of the internet?
The only things you will ever read on this little corner of the internet is tragically tragic poems and disturbing musings.
Yes, it's true I am one of those people, the arrogant mother chuckers that assume you would like to read their "creations" it's sad but true. My previous canvas for this was myspace but I have grown to be greatly dissapointed by it and its patrons. I feel like I'm just a bit too good to have creepy myspacers grope my vulnerable words with their eyes. I'm really not into that kind of thing, honest. So to recap I am basically using this blog as an area to bombard the unsuspecting public with my pathetic attempts at poetry.

Sorry about that!