Happy
I said
Happy
I thought
Happy, happy. what's that?

come back to me.
a plea I can't believe is real.
come back to me.
I forgot just how you made me feel.

there's a new boy now
he's not like you
we smile and live in an arrow straight street
lined by trees with candy leaves; so sweet

but candy sweet makes baby teeth, decay
till all the sublime, star lit dreams,
lose their luster and and my mind starts to stray

back to you.
how it could have been
If I'd come back to you
not candy sweet but something else
that meant I didn't need to dust my life with sugar

and then again by chance we meet
when I told myself you were nothing
standing there, just in the street
I could hardly tell if you were real
you'd been a dream so often

I never knew I'd missed so much;
your eyes, your honest eyes
unknowingly cruel fingers brush my arm, salvation's touch
"how are you?" My heart unknowingly lies

Happy I said.
happy I thought.
but as you turned, exit stage left
and I walked away with him.
I realised, candy sweet is easily bought
but happy, happy? what's that?

the last one for you

I can't stop wondering how it happened
I'd never do it now
I can't tell how
I ever let it happen

It wasn't happiness that I felt
you made me giddy and sore
it was some sort of fake goodness
based on settling the score

of hurts and wrongs and make me ups
and revenge against them all
was it really what you wanted?
lies and tears and shake me ups
and don't pick up the call

I was just a kid
you should have known
you should've done it better

I was just a girl
you were grown
no love in your love letter
but how was I to know?

I think I know why
I believed the lie
and it's not because you spun it well

neither you or I
knew the lie.
real happiness was foreign
so we mistook a dizzying spell
of something else, for happy

I don't miss you now
and I know how
and why. I've not reached the stars
the sky. but finally.
I'm happy

backwards

Tell me a secret and I'll spin you an imagining.
I like the made up worlds.
my life won't work the right way.
I beg them to be by my side and they run
I tell them to go and they stay.

If I want something with all my heart
it crumbles in my hand
but something I don't want; deserve?
through storms, disaster, it will stand.

my life has come out backwards.
a backwards girl too highly strung.
prone to tears and hurting.
She says she's had it. She's done with them.

but her lips? they keep on flirting.
Don't look at me with honest eyes.
Peering through my soul of sickened lies.

Lies I wish were truths.

I really try at so little. I've only a few real wishes.
wishes nobody hears.
So I'll wash out my wishes.
Baptise myself in tears.

Be new and fresh holding no hopes
no tears clouding my eyes
no fears shrouding the skies.

Right way front and gleaming pretty.
A girl I've never been before.
A girl they've never seen before.

Oh just you wait and see
the things that I will be, oh yes,
the things that I will be