The stage.

You're too late babydoll
you have the stage
we've met the end
so come on and take a bow

we put on quite a show
for them
but the audience never loved you
how could that be true?

When you worked for them so long
put your faded best foot forward
poured your heart into the song

you were such a lovely doll
but no one wants to play.
broken porcelain draws blood
from pretty fingers

fallen from a pedestal
into ashes
would you have fallen if he'd held onto your hand?
you let go

you hadn't planned to fall
but you can plan to rise again

Alone but free.
Ready to be brave.
Ready to be true.
The end is just the start anew.

So babydoll

Take your bow



a video of me reading this latest attempt at being poetical :/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTkO0rL5t04

Jacarandas

The pale blossoms that bloomed
with the coming of spring are already slipping away from the sky

falling from branches that cannot cling

to fragility;
bursting with beauty then plunging, dry,
to the ground.

The heat is blazing

Fallen onto the shimmering concrete of summer
And trampled underfoot

Torn display of overpowering decay

The blending purple innocence is crushed
on each mournful morning commune
it has become easier to tread over nature
no guilty hearts; lips are hushed.

The heat is blazing.

Beaded skin sticks to my seat
Prickling with sweat
Bound by the heat
To each surface I brush up against.

In that light summer frock
I watched the flowers tremble and tumble
It came as a shock to me
That, that is the destiny of all

In a flash my youth shall be gone
and what will I have to show?

The heat is blazing.I can feel it burn.

untitled

don't tell them.
do not let your tongue
take the trip
along your teeth

to loop or dip
stumble; slip the confession
because your heart is just too small
to hold it anymore

it's a stinging realisation
but they will not be your salvation

please retract your statement
so we can cross you off the list
no moment wasted; time spent
on your cries anymore

we will ask you one more time
"are you okay?"
and they told me you were clever
so please don't say
you aren't

I will no say yes
and I will not say no
but behold! and lo!
what I see is not a star

those swirling sparkled dots
each one a dreamed up wish
that never did come true
for me at least

because each night at my window
I searched out to the sky
grabbed at one glinting star
and wished that I would die

but here I am before you
still taking up each wretched breath
I should have been more specific
when I wished the universe for death

because all they did was suck
all the pleasure from my lips
so each step I take; have taken in awhile
is as hollow as your eyes when you look at me and smile

I'm in a white washed wooden boat
and water is pooling at my feet.
there are cracks like spider webs
running up my seat

I can't see the hole but I promise you I'm sinking

now I'm left to thinking
If I call out through the dark
and dear god all there is, is dark
will someone call on back with the sweetness of a lark?

or shall I pray now to St Anthony?
because I'm well and truly lost
but I can't bear the cost

of calling out again
just to have someone stand on shore
have them grasp my hand
take a flying leap to land

just to fall lower than before
not that I even thought it possible.

So I won't say yes
and I won't say no
but I will have you know
my soul was torn to ribbons long before I met you

I just tried to tie them up in bows
make me pretty fresh and new
but I guess that didn't work
so I won't try it again

I'll cut my crimson ribbons free
so they can dance in the breeze.
please don't stare at me so
a girl can't be on show
when her eyes have sprung a leak.

I must confess a great relief
I've kept secret all along
there are better ways than wishing stars
so you won't be burdened by me

for long.

Happy
I said
Happy
I thought
Happy, happy. what's that?

come back to me.
a plea I can't believe is real.
come back to me.
I forgot just how you made me feel.

there's a new boy now
he's not like you
we smile and live in an arrow straight street
lined by trees with candy leaves; so sweet

but candy sweet makes baby teeth, decay
till all the sublime, star lit dreams,
lose their luster and and my mind starts to stray

back to you.
how it could have been
If I'd come back to you
not candy sweet but something else
that meant I didn't need to dust my life with sugar

and then again by chance we meet
when I told myself you were nothing
standing there, just in the street
I could hardly tell if you were real
you'd been a dream so often

I never knew I'd missed so much;
your eyes, your honest eyes
unknowingly cruel fingers brush my arm, salvation's touch
"how are you?" My heart unknowingly lies

Happy I said.
happy I thought.
but as you turned, exit stage left
and I walked away with him.
I realised, candy sweet is easily bought
but happy, happy? what's that?

the last one for you

I can't stop wondering how it happened
I'd never do it now
I can't tell how
I ever let it happen

It wasn't happiness that I felt
you made me giddy and sore
it was some sort of fake goodness
based on settling the score

of hurts and wrongs and make me ups
and revenge against them all
was it really what you wanted?
lies and tears and shake me ups
and don't pick up the call

I was just a kid
you should have known
you should've done it better

I was just a girl
you were grown
no love in your love letter
but how was I to know?

I think I know why
I believed the lie
and it's not because you spun it well

neither you or I
knew the lie.
real happiness was foreign
so we mistook a dizzying spell
of something else, for happy

I don't miss you now
and I know how
and why. I've not reached the stars
the sky. but finally.
I'm happy

backwards

Tell me a secret and I'll spin you an imagining.
I like the made up worlds.
my life won't work the right way.
I beg them to be by my side and they run
I tell them to go and they stay.

If I want something with all my heart
it crumbles in my hand
but something I don't want; deserve?
through storms, disaster, it will stand.

my life has come out backwards.
a backwards girl too highly strung.
prone to tears and hurting.
She says she's had it. She's done with them.

but her lips? they keep on flirting.
Don't look at me with honest eyes.
Peering through my soul of sickened lies.

Lies I wish were truths.

I really try at so little. I've only a few real wishes.
wishes nobody hears.
So I'll wash out my wishes.
Baptise myself in tears.

Be new and fresh holding no hopes
no tears clouding my eyes
no fears shrouding the skies.

Right way front and gleaming pretty.
A girl I've never been before.
A girl they've never seen before.

Oh just you wait and see
the things that I will be, oh yes,
the things that I will be

please ignore any poetry where I sound like I've ever been in love

as my heart sinks, I attempt to make my pen follow.
all it will do is mimic my brain
its ideas of what is hurt and what is sorrow
an empty waste land, so numbed; vacant of pain

the pen curves but the words mean nothing

my soul cries; a little girl
oh how I long to help her
connected, unconnected.
Let your mind unfurl
It's what I feel. At least I think it is.

the pen curves but never writes what is so clearly imprinted on my heart

how can you cry for hurt you don't have?
ignorance is bliss
but it must be there if I feel it
it must be there
it reminds me with a worse wave; a hit

of remorse for living life without it
but I can't communicate it
for then I'd let it go

I doubt I'll ever know

the pen curves but my words mean nothing

i wasn't sure if i should put this up

how could I tell you?
where do I start?
you are all of me that's left
for all that matters now is my heart

let my body rot
it matters to me not
I'd throw myself to the stormy sea
if only I could make it be
I only i could make you see
it should be me and you
you and me

I lie to you
pretty little words
that slide out so easily
pretty little lies
I'm doing fine, said so cheerfully

the months just glide right by
like the girls who learn to skate on ice
I never could learn though I tried twice
and so they glide; the girls; the months
and out my eyes; tears of ice

you wouldn't like to see me now
I'm like silver that hasn't been shined
my skin is dull; my face is lined
though others tell me this isn't true
it is how i feel inside
when when I was with you
the whole world glittered and shined
but you aren't around anymore
you haven't been for awhile

a secret now
the love I hold for you
because no one believes me
they think it can't possibly be true
i wish it was a lie
then I wouldn't have to try
and move on

I wouldn't have to snatch at the fragments of you
left in my life by some small chance
I wouldn't have to dance
all alone, I wouldn't have to long for you

my grief should not exist
but memories of you are so clouded now
banked far away in the mist

This is not pretend
I don't wish it to be true
i know it
I still love you

poison words on my lips
words that would cause you great harm
tear your life up in big rips
they make me hurt too
though not as they'd hurt you

its like a roller coaster
clanks up and then dips
in that scary wonderful rush
and you feel as if you'd die in the crush
of pleasure and fear
feeling kept far apart
but yet they are so near

I hope i learn from you
when second love comes along
so i can leave out all this
the hurt the longing the doing wrong

next time dear I'll know
and have a warmer flood of love; a kiss more sweet
a better fated time to meet

the green of a forrest glade,
your mellow quiet eyes
and hair so dark
like evening or the shade
ask yourself
and tell me true
could you? do you? miss me too

first love seems to be a phrase that contradicts
how can there be a second?
love is not varied; it's fixed

opal necklace

She likes grey, grey days and the tangerine dawn. She likes the dew settled on the lawn. Elegant trees that dance in the breeze. To be wrapped in her yellow coat. she spins like the branches that stretch and spin themselves towards the heavens. She likes the stars that map out the skies she loves the stars when they gleam in green eyes. Big pink mugs full of cinnamon hot chocolate and christmas carols in June. She loves lace gloves and red berets and bathing in the moon. She likes boys in flares with wild long hair and rock running through their veins. She likes free love and daisy chains and little towns with country lanes. She likes shiny coins and burning loins the kind they get in romance novels. She likes the letters he wrote on paper with dried flowers, paper that smelt of lily. She likes buttons on shoes, hat pins, brooches, when little girls are silly. She loves the women in those old classic films, who talk like they're always surprised. Those scenes from books that you wish were real. Fabrics that look as nice as they feel. It hangs from her neck stopping just before her chest. The thing she'll always love the best. The thing he bought her to make up for all the pain, that whimsical little opal on its white gold chain.

after this maybe I'll try a happy one?

This room is an ice box, severe and cold
To lay here forever and stay young or get old,
I don’t really care what happens to me,
I have the window, grey sky, flowered tree

Suspended in bliss, day after day
night after night, let me waste away,
is waste too shocking a word?
Is wanting to waste a little absurd?
I’m afraid I’m lacking a prettier word
let me fade, let me fade.
Like a name on a page

Is it because you’re selfish?
Or you like too control?
You’re tainting my soul.
Was breaking my spirit far too delish
To pass up?

Day after day, pushed into a box with no air
Full of happy people,
pair after pair,
you’re not good enough,
they stare and they stare

but in this room,
with its window and rainy grey sky
you imagine yourself away.
If only you knew how to try.
Then they’d all see
Just how good you could be.
I’m good,
I’m good,
I swear it.

beautifullll

Now I have my alligator shoes I really want a cloche...... :(

aren't they gorgeous? I am going to pull off this glamour goddess look!!!! I don't care how long it takes me.

If anyone is secretly in love with me and wants to buy me things.....get me a cloche :|


fucking valentines day

a horrid shade of grey

My cheeks used to flush rose
and my eyes they flashed with green
you liked me when I was funny
you liked it when I was mean

You started to change
I wrote you a letter
explaining how change
wasn't always for the better

No response,
Perhaps you didn't read it?
Or perhaps, as I fear,
you simply didn't need it

Not like me
I needed to tell you
but it didn't seem to work
so I'll try out something new

I give up, give up
all my defences have been shot to hell
your free to tight lace me
then I'll never tell
in a corset, in your arms
they feel the same to me

don't they do the same thing?
trap me in for you
I'd like to think they'd stop this all
if they only knew
but this is just what's normal

I gave it all up
just to please you
i cannot breathe
I'm turning blue

blue blue blue
a sea of blue
and all they ever want
is to tell me what to do

just like you
just like you!

I only have myself to blame
for all i do is listen
listen listen
and fear

Fear what? Fear who?
I fear them
I fear you

but there's no real reason to
for you have already killed me

There will be no justice here
because all you did was make me fear
the fear it made its way inside
and one day I realised that I'd died

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury,
you won't avenge my death!
for you don't believe me
The cold still shows my breath

it doesn't mean they didn't kill me
the rules, the rules, the rules
they think you put up with me
the fools the fools the fools

You pulled me in and crushed me up
until I was almost gone
replaced me with a girl
timid, like a fawn

Here's a rule for you,
don't tell me what to feel
you've really truly ruined me
tried to tell me what was real

Now I'm blended grey,
even you, know it's not okay

I'm no use to anyone
it's over
I'm done

this isn't a love poem

I tear, tear, tear myself apart
because you never follow through,
when you think it goes away
I bring it back anew.

If you hate, hate, hate me,
oh so much
why won't you do it for me?
instead I hate me for you
I killed me three times over
kill me, kill me, do

Every minute daring
you to like me,
begging, begging, begging
for you to love me,
I killed me, three, three, three

you ask me why,
why?
why?
why?
I would want to die,
you should know,
you want it too

I see and I do,
I hate me for you.
I'm only following through,
what you'd never say.

I cry for you,
all I do is for you,
although I never think of you,
you broke me down the middle,
broke me right in two

without ever having to come near me

Because I did it for you,
I'm following through what you want,
want but never say
for what you want is taboo
so I hate me for you

so now you broke the doll
so no one else wants to play
if they did I'd push them away
because I know they'll hate me like you

and I couldn't stand all their eyes on me.
They turned me blind; I couldn't see

but I could feel your eyes on me
how did it come to be
that you never loved me?
you never say it,
but I know it
so I hate me for you

I swear I'll stop soon

I almost believed you
with your play pretend words
your "depend on me"
your gobeldeegoo
and your six foot three

your play pretend words
I need you
a lie? to who?
to me; to you
we all thought it was true
but you said it
you
you
you

you need me
stop just stop
your gobeldeegee
stop just stop
don't lie to me

It's over it's over
I'm through
I know I thought it
I felt it
but who said it?
you
you
you

I need to freaking relax

This is what the world is telling me or more specifically what a great number of people in my life are telling me. What does that word really mean? Relax. Would they like me to dance with the wind and the birdies in a kaftan of some kind of like a paler, meaner pocahontas? It seems to me the only reason I would need to calm down is if someone or another has done something to work me into a state of mind other than relaxation and I'm not sure if thats my fault. So let me strike a deal with you, people who tell me to relax, you can deserve me being happy and breezy person I am when I'm not with you when you stop being so damn annoying and it is humanly possible for me to relax.


wow this makes me come off rather uptight doesn't it.....

Loving old men and why it sucks

For they are handsome and well spoken and I can never have them.

Lamest Poem I Have Ever Written

A big vacant body,
an empty, tearful stare,
for sale on the corner ,
she comes tressed up or bare.

lets look at her price tag,
it seems she comes for free,
all you really need?
pretend that you like me.

She knows they may be lying,
but still she takes the chance,
maybe they like her,
not whats in her pants.

For sale on the corner,
with her empty tearful stare,
she'll still keep taking chances,
if they still pretend to care.

I always knew it was you

I always knew it was you,

the spring it was light so long
we thought night was a lie
but the sun it set eventually
amber pooled the sky

winter fell away; we didn't know the cost
flowers reached the sky
my innocence was lost
the spring night was a lie

I never saw it coming
though I always knew
mum said I was slumming
I think I thought so too

In the lying dark you whispered words
what was it you said?
I always knew it was you
In the night that wasn't true

I said you weren't the one
even though I knew it true
that in the spring that was a lie
It was always you

Poetry's for idiots

Ashamed of myself
I couldn't tell you why
why be optimistic?
I can not tell a lie

you are young
you don't count yet
these feelings can't be real
your not grown yet,
trust me girl
this is how you feel

This is not the life I want
why don't I get a choice?
I call to you for help
but I guess I've lost my voice

I want outside to match
you'd asked about the bruises
you always look so hurt
but I'm the one who loses

I'm done
I'm dead
I'm got
I'm shot

but you still won't let me go
congratulations!
what a show,

it seems they've killed me, mother

Crushed Wings

I knew a girl
she was just a girl
but she grew into a woman
from youth she spread her wings to fly
but freedom's a joke; freedom's a lie
as she changed she'd try and try
to become a butterfly
but a puppeteer controlled her strings
and he would not pull up her wings

just like trying to put a baby back into the womb
he tried to put the butterfly back in her cocoon
she fought and lost then fought again
against this mans opression
but then our poor woman girl just slipped into depression

I knew a woman
a beautiful woman
but she faded into nothing
a woman who gave up wanting to fly
she knew she'd never reach the sky
he wouldn't let it happen so why should she try?
to become a butterfly

he'd done so many terrible things
but worst of all?
he crushed her wings

Why do you use such gentle words?

Why do you use such gentle words?
Oh my love; my sweet
rooms so dark; hushed silence of the night
You made me smile with words so light
But when all is done and packed away
Your gentle words hurt me

Why use words so gentle?
They don't soften the blow
the cracks go deeper than before
Destroying you; rotting your core
Your gentle words hurt me

Where's the allure in gentle words?
You think they make you the better man?
Caress my heart with your kind pretence
you play make believe, at whose expense?
Your gentle words hurt me

Why do you use such gentle words?
You're the enemy; my sweet
When all is done and packed away
Your gentle words hurt me

Blank Face.

So how do I put this to you, the good people of the internet?
The only things you will ever read on this little corner of the internet is tragically tragic poems and disturbing musings.
Yes, it's true I am one of those people, the arrogant mother chuckers that assume you would like to read their "creations" it's sad but true. My previous canvas for this was myspace but I have grown to be greatly dissapointed by it and its patrons. I feel like I'm just a bit too good to have creepy myspacers grope my vulnerable words with their eyes. I'm really not into that kind of thing, honest. So to recap I am basically using this blog as an area to bombard the unsuspecting public with my pathetic attempts at poetry.

Sorry about that!